


Lovingly

by Strikearose



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1950s, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Marriage of Convenience
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:06:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24011767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strikearose/pseuds/Strikearose
Summary: Weakness - lack of willpower, strength or value; fragility, cowardice, failure, incapacity, exhaustion }Ino had confirmed what I dreaded to acknowledge, finally daring to say out loud what I somehow already knew.It was guilt.Sasuke had grown tired of me, he had gone look elsewhere. And even worse than that, I knew who it was.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 10
Kudos: 29





	Lovingly

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the homemade translation of one of my very first stories. It's also the only attempt of 1st person narration I've made to this day. I hope you enjoy it!

_I won't cry._

_At least, not in front of him._

I couldn't think straight. My body remained inert, rooted to the spot. Knees bent against my chest, tears were burning me and I couldn't voice my pain. I felt like the neglected doll that every little girl came to forget for good in the shadow of a room, once they grew up. Several hours had passed since Ino's departure and yet I was still lying there, desperately waiting for someone, anyone, to come find me. Her words had pierced my soul from all parts and left me undone, pinning me in that agonizing state. My heart was aching in agony, it felt like my thoughts were suffocating me and I couldn't find the strength to scream out my misery.

I wish I was strong enough to face him, to face the truth.

I wish I could tell Sasuke about it.

I wish I could order him to make a choice on the spot between me and _him_.

I wish I could tell me how bad it hurt inside of me, so he could feel some of that pain too.

The phone was ringing but I couldn't register where that sound was coming from. How could I behave normally at a time like this? My body slowly began to crawl towards the telephone handset in order to unplug it and then - agony yielded to fear. What if it was him? He knew I was home, where else could I be? I was the perfect embodiment of the model housewife.

I ended up picking up the receiver and waited for a moment. Praying he couldn't hear my tremor.

"Sakura?"

I barely managed to hold back a hiccup of surprise. It was him.

He couldn't find out I knew, I needed to get hold of myself.

"I-is that you dear?" I stuttered as my fingers slipped a lock behind my ear mechanically.

"Good lord! Why didn't you pick up the phone earlier?," he sighed and I could only picture too well his tensed expression.

"S-sorry, I was in the middle of..."

He cut me off in a weary voice.

"Don't wait for me for dinner. I have an important business meeting to attend to and I...-," he left his sentence hanging in the air for a few moments before continuing, with a softer tone. "See you tonight Sakura."

I put the receiver down after he hung up, relieved. Thank God, he hadn't realized. His last words, however, kept haunting me - I knew for a fact that my doubts were indeed well-founded. For several months now, I had had the unpleasant feeling that something was not right in our perfect life. Sasuke was more distant - not that he was ever of the demonstrative kind, it was quite the contrary. The way he behaved with me was off - little gifts, sweet nothings whispered quietly - he would start ignoring me and then try to make up for it later.

Ino had confirmed what I dreaded to acknowledge, finally daring to say out loud what I somehow already knew.

 _It was guilt_.

Sasuke had grown tired of me, he had gone look elsewhere. And worse than that, I even knew who it was.

What was I supposed to do now? What choices did I have in front of me? If divorce was slowly becoming normal, it wasn't what I wanted. We were married for better and for worse. I would never dare facing our so-called friends if they came to know our marriage was a failure. _I couldn't bring myself to._

My whole life revolved around Sasuke. I had given up everything for him: my sweet, naive, young girl's dreams and my pride as a woman of the twentieth century. He was my everything; I was his and he had to be mine. The feelings I had for him went far beyond love or even worship. He knew it - he probably always did - but had never said anything about it.

After all, as a wife, it was only natural to be completely devoted to him.

That's what I wanted.

_That's what we both wanted._

_Sasuke..._

_My life without him wouldn't be the same._

I felt anger towards everyone and everything. Towards Sasuke and his so-called 'stupid childhood friend' of course, but also towards Ino. Why did she have to tell me? Why did she have to get involve in my life? Everything was perfectly fine.

"Don't get me wrong, Sakura, but you must be the only one who hasn't realized yet. They probably always... You only have to look at them to see it."

What exactly did Ino want from me? Why did I have to know? What if I didn't want to? How couldn't she understand that I wanted the lies to perdure?

She said it was for my own good, that she did it in the name of our own friendship. But I didn't believe her.

That harpy had always wanted to take Sasuke away from me, she wanted him for herself. She wanted me to pay. She wanted me to suffer.

But what was she expecting me to do? Deep down, I knew exactly what was the answer.

She expected me to keep quiet - that's what they were all expecting me to do. To continue portraying perfect Sakura. _Perfect, quiet, oppressed Sakura_.

_No._

_I won't give them what they want._

I woke up the next morning around five o'clock. Sasuke was there, still sleeping soundly next to me. His breathing was slow and steady. I took a moment to appreciate how strangely peaceful he looked in that moment. From his pale skin to the obscurity of his dark brown, almost black, eyes - I loved him with all my being. My gaze fell upon the alarm clock and I tiptoed out of our room so as not to wake him up before entering the bathroom.

I looked dreadful, my face was all swollen and my complexion duller than usual. I took a quick, vitalizing shower, put on his favorite light emerald-colored dress and began my usual morning routine. First, a slight amount of pinkish power, then the faintest touch of red on my mouth. And finally, a thick layer of rimmel on my lashes and I was able to smile at my reflection in the mirror. Today was a new day - today, everything was as perfect as usual.

As I hurried down the stairs, I went to the kitchen and made coffee. The rich and peculiar scent of caffeine seemed to bring Sasuke out of his sleep and he appeared in the living-room a few minutes later. He greeted me as he would do on any other day with the loveliest peck on my lips and sat into his leather armchair, the day's paper in his hand. I found myself staring again at his beautiful face, still foggy with sleep. It made me so happy to be with him.

The family clock struck six times and brought me out of my lethargy.

With a trembling hand, I served the burning contents into a cup and offered it to him. Sasuke thanked me distractedly and brought the mug to his mouth. He didn't see a thing. Neither my watery eyes nor the small amount of poison I had lovingly poured into his precious beverage.

**Author's Note:**

> Please, feel free to make me know what you thought of it :)


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